Thursday, December 13, 2007

KISS- L'arc~en~Ciel

2. Pretty girl
4. Sunadokei (砂時計)
5. spiral
8. Umibe (海辺)
10. Link -KISS Mix-
11. Yuki no Ashiato (雪の足跡)
12. Hurry Xmas

Huuu.......lama tul aku tak apdet akunyer blog...almaklumla bz. Skang ni aku dah tak keje lg ngan company aku.Sbb aper? aku dpt offer Bank Negara punyer training....alhamdulillah dlm 3,000 applicant yg mintak,aku yg sengal ni plak leh terpilih...huuuuuu,rezeki gamaknyer,alhamdulillah syukur.

Skang ni mggu pertama aku ikut program kelas nih...hahaha,pening kepala aku nak stdy balik macam2. Tapi takper tuk mase depan aku turutkan gak..

Berkenaan gambo di atas? aper laie kalo bukan band kegemaran aku, L'arc~en~ciel. Huuu,aku baru jer beli album nih...sungguh tak rugi best giler biasa laruku tak pernah mengecewakan aku. Lagu cam Pretty Girl, Daybreak's Bell, My Heart Draws a Dream mmg best giler...smer aku masuk dlm Mp3 sbb tak tau nak pilih yg mane,smer best...huuuuuuu......

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Hilarity of Language Matters

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has been accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also,al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze
unesesary "0" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Jeng Jeng Jewngggggg Jimbettttt~~

1. Do you like cheese?
* does cheezel counts?

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?

3. Do you own a gun?
Nope...wish to have one

4. Your favorite song?
Daybreak's Bell

5 . Do you get nervous before doctor
appointmen ts?
* only when its involves blood

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
* food?

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?

8 . What do you prefer to drink in the
* plain water

9. Can you do push ups?
* yes

10 . Do you believe in ghosts?
* i live with em for 20 years

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
* i dunno...

12. Favorite hobby?
* tenet...and play

13. What is your secret weapon to lure
in the opposite sex?
* nothing...

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
* erkkkkkk

15. What is one thing you hate about
* me!!

16. Last Name:
* i dun have last name

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
* hny,hny, and hny

18 . Name the last 3 things you have
* comics, basic food stuff..and yeah,new samsung D900i HP

19 . Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
* limau ais, water and apple juice

20. Current worry right now?
* hny

21 . Current hate?

22 . Favorite place to be?
* with my love one...everyplace is a favorite place

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
* berjimbaaaaaaa~~~~~

24 . Where would you like to go?
* away from here

25. Who will repost this?
* ntah...

26. Do you own slippers?
* erkkk

27. What shirt are you wearing?
* plain grey shirt

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
* uhhhhhh.....i can sleep anywhere

29. Can you whistle?
* yes

30. Favorite color?
* blue

31. Would you be a pirate?
* yeah...join Pirate Wanted~~ and u'll get fancy pirate cards....hahaha

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
* i don't sing while showering

33. Favorite girls name(s)?
* hehehe

34. Favorite boy's name?
* hehehe gak

35 . What's in your pocket right now?
* none

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
* dunno

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
* digimon?

38 . Worst injury you've ever had?
* don't have one

39. Do you love where you live?
* yup

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
* 4, 1 in kitchen,1 in room, 1 at living room & 1 upstairs

41. Who is your loudest friend?
*loud? amir rotu...hahaha sori bro

42. Who is your most silent friend?
* silent? all of em is loud when u know emm..haha

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
* maybe~~

4 4. Do you wish on shooting stars?
* i wish too

45. What is your favorite book?
* any artwork from Nobuhiro Watsuki, Mashima Hiro

4 6 . What is your favorite candy?
* all~~~~~~

47. Favorite Sports Team?
* errr...Deimon Devil Bats?

<>48 . What perfume do you wear? *
hahaha dun have

49. What were you doing 12 AM last
*chatting with gf

50. What was the first thing you thought
of when you woke up? * oh mann work againnn

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Motivational Speech by Steven Jobs

Mature minds only.

I read an interesting article similar to this by by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, this is a part of it:

"My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much."

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Aku dan Hari Raye

Sabtu, 13 Oktober 2007, 1:08 am.

hahaha lum tdo laie aku nih.......ntah naper tak dpt lak nak lelapkan mate......tau la dah raye, nak kate excited..takde la kot ,sbb aku ni dari dulu smp skang la ni tak penahnyer ada mood nak raye...

Teringat aku time skolah rendah dulu nak tdo punya pasal aku tanak bgn mandi sunat ari raye, siap meraung tanak raye....ahahaha mengong tul bila aku terkenang balik zaman tuh, abih jd bahan spupu2 aku tiap2 tahun raye...agaknyer psal ni la kot aku smp skang tak baper mood sgt nak raye nih....

La ni dah beso panjang, ntah la same jer mood aku bila raye. Paling aku tak suka dgr lagu raya. Bukan apa...ntah la aku rasa jemu, balik2 lagu yg sama, tak sebut duit raye, baju raye,kuih raye,..tak pun ampun maaf,tema tu jerr laa ulang2,dah tu syahdu jer semedang...orng nak hepi2 deyyyyyyy........kalo nak sedey2 camno nak beraya.......

Dah la aper2 pun malas lagi dah....sok raye, kang tak bgkit awal lg moody lg takmo raye dan menyebabkan efek pade gambo family gath...hahaha

Chow...Slamat Hari Raya , Maaf Zahir....aku belum ade utang Batin'kummm..hepi holiday......

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Di sebalik tawa, tersembunyi hati yg menangis...

Assalamualaikum Hny,

Kita tak tau kalau hny ada terbaca blog kita ni. Tapi, kt ttp luahkan juga di sini, walaupun kemungkinan tuk hny baca kecil.

Terima kasih hny tuk segala2 yg hny telah lakukan tuk kt. Semoga Allah membalas budi jasa ayang. Tak pernah kita jumpa org macam ayang. Seribu dlm satu, there's something yg kt nmpk ada pada hny, yg mmg tak ada pada org lain...special,anugerah Ilahi. Ayang dah banyak ubah kita, ayg tunjuk kita benda yg selama ni tak pernah kt nampak. Semenjak bertemu di MSN Damaikita, hilang rasa sunyi hidup kita. Mula2 mmg tak berniat pun nak bersama, sbb waktu tu hny noobie baru nak kenal alam chat..kita yg ajar hny semua. Dari situ hubungan kita makin rapat, tp masing2 malu lg nak luahkan perasaan....

Sehari tak dpt msg hny, kt mesti rasa gelisah. kt tak pernah keluar dgn hny, kalau ada pun dlm bertahun2 kta kenal, cuma 2-3 kali jer. Tapi takpe, lebih bagus begitu, sbb hny kt takut terjebak ke arah kemaksiatan.Kita ngaku hny lawa, cantik, and kita gak mengaku kita bukan la baik sangat, layan gak citer blue, jgn ckap la dlm kepala ni mmg ada niat kotor.Tapi niat hanyalah niat, sayang kt pada hny hanya Allah yg tahu. Atas sebab sayangkan hny, kt kisah ttg masa dpn hny dan kita, kt tahan, kt pendam,kt buang niat jahat tu jauh2, kt jaga hny betul2. Dah lama kt luahkan nak dptkan hny dgn cara yg halal.Hny plak gelak2 jer, kata kita bergurau.....walhal i've been serious shit bout this thing....mybe sbb kt student lg, hny ingat kata2 kita cuma sekadar gurauan jer...well, we'll see later......

Itu dulu, sekarang semua nya rasa lain. Hny pergi begitu saja, without words, without nothing. Di kala diri ini baru shj berjaya menyempurnakan tugasan sebagai pelajar. Itu pun kt sendiri dpt tahu, u're going out with someone else.....and what i'm really pissed off u betrayed me. Ayang siakan2 usaha kt menjaga ayang...ayang tau tak betapa sebak hati kt bila dpt tau perkara tu? that time kt terfikirkn arwah ayah ayang, mak ayang yg tak sihat tu.....i'm really frustrated, naik gila,hnya solat yg dpt tenangkan hati kita. Smp hati ayang biarkan dia lakukan perkara tu pada ayang,don't u ever think of your family? takpun kita? Kita menangis malam tu, sakitnya hanya Allah yg tahu...

Sekarang dah hampir sebulan kita berpisah. kita pun dah boleh nak terima, tp jauh di sudut kecil hati ini, kt masih mengharap ayg dapat kembali ke pangkuan kita. Bulan puasa tahun ni lah bagi kt dugaan yg paling kuat sekali.Tahun ni mood raya kita pun dah hilang, tmbh2 lg 2,3 ari lg nak beraya, kt tak dpt fikir hal lain, i've lost my sun. my shining sun,hilang.Arini kt moody,kita sound akak ofismate kt just because dia bukak lagu raya kuat2....maafkan diri ni kak zibah, kt tak sengaja.......

Hny, i'll be here for you. There is still time, bukakan mata hati, dan bukakan minda, lihat betul2 masa depanmu, sbb kita tak mahu hny sengsara di masa akan dtg.....sbb hny bukan org lain lg dalam hidup kt,hny adalah sebahagian hidup kt, keluarga kita....apapun kita ttp akan doakan kebahagiaan hny.....

Take care hny,


Thursday, October 4, 2007

For the One I Loved Most

Juga ditujukan buat bro aku Jakk,dan saper2 la yg jiwa lebih kurang cam dia.....

Gackt -Saikai Story

kasuka na hikari ni yobi samasarete
hakanai yume no kioku to kiesou na koe
A faint light calls me awake
The memory of a transient dream and a vanishing voice

toozakaru kako no zawameki wa
ima de wa mienai ano keshiki o utsushidashite yuku
Projecting that scene of the commotion
Of a receding past that's now lost

soba de warau... kimi ga iru
Nearby smiling... You are here

sou... marude kinoo no koto no you ni oboeteiru yo
dare yori mo fukaku boku ni fureta sono manazashi o
Yes... I completely remember it as if it were yesterday
That look that touched me more deeply than anyone else

wakachiau koto no yorokobi mo
kiseki no you na ano deai mo...
futari no omokage sae mo okizari ni shite kieteyuku
And the pleasure of shared things
And that encounter that was like a miracle...
And only our image is deserted and disappearing

usureteyuku kioku no naka de
mou ichido dake dakishimetakute
setsunai kurai sakebitsuzukeru kimi no na o
koe ga nakunaru made
Inside of the fading memory
I want to hold you just one more time
Nearly painfully, I continue to shout your name
Until my voice is lost

utsumuite furueru kimi o
kono ude de dakishimetakute
kono sekai no dare yori mo kimi o
mamoritai to kizuita kara
You're hanging your head and trembling
I want to hold you in my arms
Because more than anyone else in this world
I realized I wanted to protect you

mou sukoshi de boku wa kieru kedo...
soredemo kimi dake wa hanashitaku wa nai
setsunai kurai kimi ni tsutsumareta ano hibi o
boku wa wasurenai
In a little while longer I'll disappear but...
Still I never want to let you go
Nearly painfully, I won't forget the days
That I enveloped you

Aku dan September

Hari ni, dlm thn ni datang lagi......aku paling benci bila tiba hari macam ni.Setiap tahun pasti akan jadi macam ni. Aku jd tak keruan, sgala aper yg aku wat serba tak kene,aku jd emo sesangat, kadang2 sedih tanpa sebab, ketawa tnpa sebab...giler ker haper ngan aku nih kannn? aku bingungg...bingungg...kadang2 aku rasa mati lebih baik, lebih seronok, tak payah aku nak amik kisah pasal dunia ni lagi...aku bencikan dunia ni, aku benci manusia, aku benci semua benda..aku bencikan diri aku juga....hari2 aku terbayangkan mati....aku takutkan mati,entah amal aku cukup ke tidak,tapi pada masa yg sama aku terima,aku alu2kan kalau aku mati....bukan ada org peduli pun. Dia dah ada org lain, masakan dia nak layan aku lagi. Apa aku wat dah tak dpt nak ubah hati dia lagi.....

Hari yang paling aku takut,saat bila aku kembali semula ke dunia kegelapan. Dunia yg kosong,hambar,sunyi...aku tak mahu begitu!!! dah puas aku hidup di dunia yg gelap tu,dah puas aku menjadi patung, menjadi alat.Dipanggil bila diperlukan, dicampak bila tak guna....aku benci,geram,marah, sakit, dan lain2...tak ada tempat aku nak mengadu?

Sesungguhnya aku bersyukur, aku dilahirkan Islam,aku bertuhan,Tuhanku ialah Allah. Ya Allah, ampunilah dosa hambaMu yg hina ini, aku tak layak menerima kasihMu Ya Allah setelah apa yg telah kulakukan padaMu, aku degil, aku takbur, aku riak....aku tahu dosa2 ku padaMu Ya Allah,tp aku tetap buat....aku tak bersyukur....sesungguhnya aku berasa kesal atas tindakanku yg lalu...aku insaf Ya Allah!!!

Ya Allah, apakah ujian yg Kau berikan pada hambaMu ini...terasa berat sungguh utk diriku menahan ini,bala demi bala menimpa,hampir gila diriku ini.....Ya Allah, Ya Fatah, bantulah diri hambaMu yg lemah ini, wahai Zat yg Maha Membuka, Maha Mengurai....bantulah hambaMu menghadapi ujianMu ini...

Aku rasa sayu, tak ada teman mengadu....padaMu aku berharap,padaMu aku meluahkan segala2nya....sesungguhnya Kau mmg Maha Penyayangg lg Maha Pengasihani....

Ya Allah,ampunkanlah dosaku, ampunkan dosa kedua ibubapaku, dan kasihanilah mereka seperti mereka mengasihaniku sewaktu kecil...Amin.......

Monday, October 1, 2007

Dearest Love

Overflowing in your faintly colored laugh
dearest love These thoughts I was drawing came to a stop

dearest love Led by the wind in this times I hold close
I was gazing at you... is all of this an illusion?

It all came crumbling down a bit too quickly but not a thing has changed
Buried only by our disagreements the path before my eyes was blocked

ah why does my heart stop beating when it's so painful?

ah why do I keep leaving you when I believe in you?

Please don't think about the coming of the end, because we got past it
dearest love everything'll burn way up in the sky

I don't understand anything anymore... why must I keep being hurt when I'm hurt to the point of grief?
I want to see your smile, this love I wrapped up will turn to ash

ah why does my heart break so much when it loves so much?
...only that dazzling season is wavering anymore

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Who are we anyway?

OK skarang ni tibalah masanya utk aku cerite skit psl isu2 yg serius. takdelah serius sgt tp elok jugak utk kite renung2kan.

Dewasa ini (cewaah) byk kali jugak kite dgr psl hal ni. Antara kata-kata yg biasa kita dgr ialah :"jadilah diri sendiri", "inilah diri aku yg sebenarnya", "jgn jd org lain" dsb. kata2 sebegini membuatkan aku terfikir2 ape sbnrnye maksud diri yg sebenar? Biasanya org fikir "org yg menjadi diri sendiri" ialah seseorg yg terus melakukan perkara2 yg mmg kebiasaannya dilakukan & berperangai seperti perangai yg dia selalu buat.

Kdg2 aku tertanya2, apa sbnrnye yg membuatkan seseorg itu ialah "diri dia yg sebenar"? Sbb kdg2 bile kite ade sorg member yg cool, relax, tenang, suka buat lawak, bila 1 hari die tiba2 mengamuk, marah2 & jd tak cool, pastu nnt ade org yg ckp "tu la diri die yg sebenar, selama ni die tak tunjuk je". Ataupun ade satu situasi lain di mana ade sorg perempuan yg baik, tutup aurat, jaga kehormatan, bila bergaul dgn perempuan yg "gitu-gitu" (i.e. slalu gi clubbing, hisap rokok, bergaul bebas, seksi, benci psl agama) & terpengaruh dgn diorg + join diorg buat perkara2 tak elok tu, die pun ckp "inilah diri aku yg sebenarnya, aku dah letih cuba utk menjadi org lain selama ni". Another situation is, sorg laki yg ugut laki lain supaya jgn buat die marah :"Ko jgn main-main dgn aku, aku belum tunjuk diri aku yg sebenarnya..." Drp situasi2 di atas spt disimpulkan ramai org yg keliru tentang "diri yg sebenar" termasuk empunya badan sendiri. setgh org kata "tu bukan diri dia yg sebenar" whereas org lain bole jugak kata "tulah diri dia yg sebenar", tapi empunya badan bole jugak kata "inilah diri aku" atau sebaliknya. So the question is, what makes people decide whether it is one's trueself or not? And what makes an individual say that it is his/her trueself or not?

Sesetgh org merasakan "diri yg sebenar" merujuk kpd "keinginan dlm diri", tak semestinya apa yg dizahirkan pd perbuatan, cthnya org yg biasanya mmg tak minum arak, tp dlm hati die sbnrnya suka @ nk try minum arak, maka itulah diri die yg sebenar - seorg yg suka minum arak. Cth yg lg best ialah perempuan yg tutup aurat tp dlm hati die tak suka pakai tudung & suka free hair mcm 'perempuan2 lain', maka itulah diri die yg sebenar. Hmm.. Kalo mcm tu kebiasaannya perempuan mcm tu bukan diri die ke? i.e. perempuan yg menutup aurat = bukan diri die yg sebenar ke (walaupun biasanye mmg diorg tutup aurat)? Nmpak complicated kan?

So far kite boleh conclude that there are 2 assumptions on this matter. Diri yg sebenar ialah:

1. Kebiasaan (habit)

Segala-gala habit yg biasa ko buat, setiap masa, setiap tempat... Apa yg biasanya org nampak ko buat - baik, suka ketawa, ceria, nakal, suka makan coklat, tak suka main batu sremban, selalu buli org, selalu menyanyi dlm tandas dll.

2. Keinginan dalaman (desire)

Kalo biasanya ko baik dgn pompuan & sentiasa menjauhi maksiat dgn pompuan, tp tiba2 satu hari tu ko jln sorg2 kat satu lorong and ternampak 1 gadis yg ko mmg minat tp tak penah ckp kat die, and die berseorangan. And then tiba2 nafsu bergelojak and terjadilah 1 kes rogol disebabkan tak tahan sgt. Maka perbuatan & keinginan itulah yg menjadikan diri ko "diri yg sebenar", i.e. seorg yg gile seks !

So ape citer? Kebiasaan ke keinginan? Utk menjwb persoalan ini perlu kite ketahui bahawa adakah kebiasaan & keinginan itu tak berubah & constant sepanjang masa? Adakah dia same je sejak dr dulu & akan dtg? OK biar aku bg contoh: Katalah si A ni mase kecik2 dulu rajin buat kerja skolah, tp bile form 3 malas gile nk buat kerja skola. Analysis :

1. Mase kecik dlu kebiasaannya rajin buat kerja skolah

2. Dah besar kebiasaannya malas buat kerja skolah

So mane 1 diri die yg sebenar? adakah mase dah besar tu die tidak menjadi 'diri dia sendiri' atau itulah diri die yg sebenar? Ini menunjukkan kebiasaan itu boleh berubah dr semasa ke semasa and thus, begitu juga dgn 'diri yg sebenar'.

Kalo dr sudut keinginan pula, si B ni mase kecik2 dulu bercita2 nk jadi org yg mahir dlm ilmu agama, tp bile dah form 3 nk jd org yg menjauhi agama @ sekular. Tak perlu lg buat analysis sbb die same je mcm kat atas. Mane 1 diri die? Oleh kerana keinginan pun boleh berubah, maka 'diri yg sebenar' mengikut tafsiran ke-2 pun boleh.

Bile korg baca ni mesti tertanya-tanya kan ape motif penulis ni (aku le) sebenarnya kan? Actually sbb ada beberapa jenis org yg wujud kat dunia ni:

1. Seorang kawan berkata kat kawannya :"Kalo ko tak suka dgn perangai aku maknanya ko tak terima aku seadanya..."

2. Seseorang yg berkata :"Aku nk menjadi diri sendiri, tak nak jadi org lain..."

3. Seseorang yg berkata :"Aku sdg berusaha utk tidak menjadi diri sendiri..."

Sebenarnya sumenye nampak ok je (1,2 dan 3). Tapi yg tak OKnye bile menyentuh bab2 agama. Meh kite tgk satu persatu:

1. "Kalo tak suka perangai aku maknanya tak terima aku seadanya". Kalau perangai yg tak bercanggah dgn syariat takpe, tp masalahnya kalau yg bertentangan tu. Maksud aku kalau perangai yg dimaksudkan tu ialah suka menyanyi, suka pakai baju warna biru, selalu buat lawak, selalu makan pisang tu sume takpe, tp yg jd masalahnye kalau perangai yg dimaksudkan itu ialah tak sembahyang, suka mengumpat, tak tutup aurat, tak puasa & apa2 yg sewaktu dgnnya. Tu yg tak boleh. And dlm situasi ni si empunya badan claim yg perbuatan2 tu sume ialah 'diri dia'. So kalau tak boleh terima die buat sume tu maksudnya tak menerima 'diri dia'. OK 1stly, katakanlah perangai yg dimaksudkan itu ialah "merokok". Di mana kalau tak suka dia merokok maknanya tak terima dia seadanya. Dari mana die dpt habit merokok tu? sejak dr kecil ke? Ke baru start merokok? Ataupun buat-buat suka merokok sbb nk nampak 'ada gaya' @ ikut member? Kalau baru je start merokok camne plak die bole ckp tu adalah diri die yg sebenar? Kalau merokok sbb ikut kawan tu dah mmg terang-terangan bukan habit die, cuma die berkeinginan utk merokok. Sejak bile die mula berkeinginan utk merokok? Sejak tahun lepas? Sejak sekolah rendah? Sejak tadika? Ke sejak lahir? Katalah kalau die berkeinginan utk merokok tu start dari darjah 4. So kalau sebelum darjah 4 tu, die tak berkeinginan utk merokok tu bukan 'diri dia' ke? kenapa lps darjah 4 smpai sekarang die ckp tu barulah 'diri die'? Tak kira kalau ikut mana2 definition same ada 'kebiasaan' atau 'keinginan', nampaknya seolah-olah takde satu sempadan masa yg mengatakan "dari jangka masa sekian sekian sampai sekian sekian itu adalah diri yang sebenar" Macam mana dgn bayi yg baru lahir? adakah kelakuannya yg suka menangis & kencing bertabur tu ialah diri dia? Tp bila dah besar mesti tak mengaku kan? Maksudnya 'diri yg sebenar' boleh berubah mengikut masa dan boleh dipengaruhi oleh keadaan sekeliling. Kite menjadi diri kite yg sekarang ini tak lain adalah kerana dipengaruhi keadaan sekeliling sejak dr lahir sampailah skrg. Setuju tak?

Jadi apa yg aku ingin tekankan kat sini ialah kita bebas utk berubah menjadi diri yg lebih baik dr semasa ke semasa, tak kira kalau ade org kata kite ni sbnrnya tak menjadi diri sendiri atau hipokrit. Org yg ckp mcm yg kat atas tu sbnrnya salah satu alasan utk diorg tak berubah drpd buruk kpd baik. Mcm seolah2 perbuatan tak elok yg diorg claim sbg 'diri sendiri' tu kekal & takkan berubah sampai bila2. Seolah-olah kalau betul dah berubah nnt dia akan rasa yg die tak menjadi diri dia sendiri. Itu tak betul, sbb 'diri sendiri' boleh berubah, semuanya bergantung pada niat & keinginan masing2. Ingat, diri kite yg sekarang adalah tidak sama dgn yg dulu dan yg akan datang, kerana pengalaman & keadaan sekeliling akan sentiasa mempengaruhi kite, dan kita sentiasa ada pilihan sama ada nak terpengaruh dgn kebaikan, keburukan atau kekalkan diri yg sedia ada...


Defense Mechanism


aku hari ni aku sajer2 usha2 web member2 aku,and aku terlintas sama benda ni.Rather interesting, tentang defense mechanism,tribut eto my friend Farhan a.k.a Along yg kini berada jauh nun kat Ireland...hahaha..

Apa dia defence mechanism nih?

Sbg intro, idea ni dikeluarkan oleh sorg pakar psychoanalysis zaman dlu - Freud. Die claimed yg personality kite ini ade 3 komponen :

1. id (lebih krg mcm nafsu) - selalu mendorong ke arah benda tak elok, lagha, lebih kpd kepuasan & keinginan seseorg (self-centered)..

2. superego (mcm akal) - selalu mengajak kpd nilai2 murni, morality, rasional, dan sentiasa mengambil kira keadaan sekeliling & masyarakat. Basically bertentangan dgn "id"

3. ego - mediates "id" dan "superego". Lebih krg mcm nk balance la antara kedua2 tu. Org tgh antara "id" dan "superego".


So, "id" dan "superego" akan sentiasa berkonflik sesama sendiri dlm apa jua keadaan, kecuali kalo secara kebetulan "id" bermatlamat same dgn "superego", i.e. keinginan yg tak bercanggah dgn agama, moral, pandgn masyarakat, peraturan dsb. Contoh konflik yg timbul antara "id" dan "superego" ialah bila (katalah, Ali) lalu kat satu kedai aiskrim & dia kempunan nk mkn aiskrim, tp duit tarak. "id" ckp "curi je la", "superego" ckp "tak elok mencuri". Konflik ini membuatkan Ali gelisah sbb die kempunan sgt nk mkn aiskrim, tp die tau curi tu x baik. So mase inilah "ego" main peranan utk mengurangkan konflik yg berlaku. Lps tu barulah Ali dpt tgglkan kedai aiskrim tu dgn hati yg lebih aman (sbb ego dh main peranan). Ade byk lg jenis konflik lain selain drp cth tu. Biasanya "ego" ni akn menangkan "superego", tp kdg2 die kasi "id" menang jugak. Mcm mana cara ego krgkan konflik? Saksikanlah cara2 ego menangani mslh ini :


1. Denial

-Berlaku bile sesorg x dpt menerima hakikat, ade konflik antara "benda ni x berlaku" (didorong oleh id) & "benda ni mmg berlaku" (didorong oleh superego). Berlaku krn kenyataan yg terlalu pahit utk diterima, cth kematian anak dll. Mechanismnye ialah, ego cipta 1 barrier between diri & sekeliling, iaitu "menafikan kebenaran yg pahit tu bulat2". Seorg ibu yg mati anak sbb accident yg sdg berada dlm "denial mode" akn sentiasa anggap anknye tu "masih hidup", so bile org ucapkan takziah kat die pun die masih ckp "Takziah utk apa? Anak aku masih hidupla, tu ade kat bilik tu...". Utk kes yg lg teruk, suami yg kematian isteri refused utk kuburkan mayat isterinya tu, sebaliknya simpan & awet dlm bilik, mandikan setiap hari, pakaikan baju, berborak2 dgn mayat isteri (padahal ckp sorg2). Ataupun contoh pesakit kronik yg diberitahu dpt hidup x lama lg (beberapa minggu). Pesakit (dlm denial mode) akn menafikan kenyataan itu & buat2 mcm dia sihat mcm biasa - nk smbg kerja lps kuar hospital, rancang nk pegi bercuti kt america thn dpan dsb. Most of the time, denial ni tak brapa elok utk diamalkan, & org yg dlm denial mode ni hendaklah kita bantu utk die slowly deactivates denial mode tu.

2. Repression/supression

Ini khas utk pengalaman pahit yg lps (trauma). Disebabkan kalo igt balik pengalaman tu akn menyebabkan seseorg tu tertekan, histeria dsb, maka memory tu akn "unconciously forced from conciousness", meaning that memori itu akn ditarik dr "minda sedar (concious mind)" & dimasukkan ke dlm "minda bwh sedar" (subconcious mind), seolah2 mcm org tu dh lupa completely pengalaman itu. Manakala "supression" pula ialah usaha utk buat benda yg sama, tp "conciously driven" (dibuat dlm keadaan sedar). Subconcious mind adalah tmpt pembuangan idea2, pengalaman & apa2 perkara yg tak diterima & direject, semuanya simpan kt cni. Slh satu cara utk access tmpt ni ialah melalui mimpi - di mana slalunya perkara yg tak masuk akal & tah hapa2 tah (mmg x buleh blah), tp benda2 tu sumenye ada dlm subconcious mind.

3. Psychological projection

"Ko yg nk A, tp ko ckp kt dpan org B yg nk A, di mana B itu ialah org lain dan A tu bole jd apa2 saje - brg, org, impian, malamat" Lebih krg mcm tu la. Cth yg best ialah bila ada sorg laki tu minat kt sorg minah ni, tp disebabkan tak brani lgsung utk bgtau org lain & minah tu, die pun ckp la member die minat minah tu (kt dpan org - slalunya dgn gurauan).

4. Reaction formation

"Ko suka 1 perkara (yg bercanggah dgn agama, undang2 dll), tp instead ko buat perkara tu, ko "condemn, critic & cuba membenci perkara tu". Cth, pornography. Mmg ramai yg suka pornography ni, tp slh satu cara utk tak melakukannya ialah dgn mengcondemn, cuba membenci, anggap perbuatan tu jijik & nasihat org lain agar jgn buat perkara tu. (PERHATIAN ! Ini bkn hipokrit ye...)

5. Rationalization

Haa.. yg ni mmg slalu aku buat & amalkan. Bila sesuatu yg tak diingini berlaku, ko cuba mencari expalanation yg logik (yg ko boleh terima) supaya hati ko lebih lega menerimanya. Yg ni berbeza drp "denial" td di mana "rationalization" ni "menerima kenyataan bahawa sesuatu yg tdk diingini itu sudah berlaku". Dgn adanya penjelasan2 yg dianggap logik (& dpt diterima) ni maka barulah kegelisahan dlm hati dpt dikrgkan. Cth, bila kita jln2, tiba2 nmpk 1 member. So kita pun tegurlah. Tp die buat dek je, dh pggl 3 kali pun die x bls, pastu blah mcm tu je. Mesti hati rasa bengang, gelisah, tak puas hati kan? Utk mengurangkan atau hapuskan perasaan2 demikian, maka buatlah rationalization - explanation2 yg buleh dipakai ialah "Mgkin die tgh ade mslh tu", "Mgkin die tgh fikir psl benda lain tu", "Mgkin die igt aku pggl org lain". Sume explanation tu sedikit sbyk dpt menenangkan hati, rather than "Die benci aku", "Die mmg sengaja buat mcm tu", "Die dh malas nk layan aku". Another cth ialah bile 1 student tu gagal dlm periksa, die pun ckp "Ala.. lecturer aku tu kedekut markah, mmg ramai student dah di'fail'kan oleh die".

6. Sublimation

Sublimation ialah menyalurkan 'tenaga dalaman' drp perkara yg x menguntungkan kpd perbuatan yg dibenarkan. Cth yg sng ialah sorg student yg terlampau risau akn xm yg akn dtg. Instead of terus gelisah+bimbang+tertekan, die pun 'salurkan' tenaga & masanya tu utk study & prepare.

7. Conversion

Yg ni adalah khas utk menangani kemarahan. Bila bengang ngan seseorg, instead of marah2, tengking2 & pukul2 die, energy utk buat perkara2 tu (marah+tengking+pukul) ditukarkan kpd energy utk sepak pintu, tumbuk bantal, lempar batu, patahkan kayu. Dgn cara ni kemarahan pun dptlah diredakan @ dikrgkan... Mcm sama ngan "sublimation", cumanya yg ni specific kpd kemarahan & cara lpskannya ialah dgn kekerasan.

Ni semua yg dikemukakan oleh Freud. Tp aku ada nk tambah 1 lg kaedah krgkan konflik, yg aku slalu amalkan jugak, iaitu :

8. Imagination

Hanya utk perkara2 yg tak mampu atau tak dibenarkan utk dibuat. Cth - minum arak, clubbing, hisap rokok, mkn makanan yg x halal (tp nmpk sedap nyam2), org yg buta nk tgk matahari, org xde kaki tp nk berlari. Ataupun mcm cth "Ali nk mkn aiskrim (yg td tu)". So ape yg kite buat ialah kita "bayangkan" seolah2 kita sdg buat perkara itu sdgkan dlm realitinye tdk. Imagination yg best ialah dgn bayangkan bahawa kite bleh buat sume perkara tu kat syurga nnt. Imaginelah kite tgh buat perkara2 tu kt syurga, alangkah indahnya !(cewah). So dgn imagination sebegini sedikit sbyk dpt elakkan kite drp buat benda2 yg dilarang. Ini lebih krg mcm angan2, dgn tujuan utk gembirakan hati & pleasure utk diri sendiri. Kalo byk sgt angan2 x elok jugak. Dan kite perlu igt ade limit jugak utk berimaginasi ni, dgn kata lain, KITA TIDAK BOLEH BERANGAN-ANGAN JADI TUHAN atau APA-APA YANG BOLEH MEMBAWA KEPADA SYIRIK & TERKELUAR DARI AGAMA.


Secara kesimpulan, defense mechanism ini mmg wujud dlm diri kita & matlamatnya ialah utk krgkan konflik dlm diri & melindungi diri dan perasaan. Kite perlu bijak mengawal dan memilih jln yg terbaik utk tdk terdorong kpd perkara yg tak elok (yg disarankan oleh "id"/nafsu), dan mendekatkan diri kpd "superego"(akal). Actually aku yakin bahawa sbnrnya ade jugak pakar psikologi Islam yg kluarkan teori2 mcm ni, tp takpe kite amikla ape yg baik saje k.


Sekian, wasalam...

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Total Boredom

1. In two words, explain
// Totally insane

2. Who made u smile today?
// my SP friends

3. What were u doing this morning at 8?
// just woke up

4. What were u doing 15 minutes ago?
// watching videos

5. Something that happened to u in
// too young to remember

6. Last thing someone else said to you?
//"oi belikan aku tv ,nak yg 29" punye"mengong nyer Jakk

7. What was ur answer?
//hahaha hampesss

8. Worst thing on television?

9. What was in your e mail today?
// spam and lots of spam

10. How many different beverages have
you drank today?
//puasa woooo

11. What is ur favorite part of the
// time nak bukak pose

12. Your current To-do list?

13. Where is ur best friend right now?
// dead

14. What color is ur toothbrush?
// biru

15. What are u wearing right now?
// normal t-shirt and long pants

16. Any plans for Friday night?
// yesterday is Friday

17. Least favorite place to shop.
//i dunno....

18. Things u bought today?
// nothing

19. Last gift you received?
// flowers for my grads

20. Who gave you that?
// family

21. What made you sad today?
// thinking bout Hani

22. What can make you happy?
// Hani and money...hahaha

23. Where do u keep ur change?
// pockets

24. Are u happy with ur life?
// well,so-so....

25. What are u thinking now for
someone you love?
// how to get her back

26. Person u trust the most?
// Hani and mom

27. Who do you miss right now?
// Hani

28. Is there anything that you are
craving for right now?
// Teh o ais Limau

29. If certain things in your life will
fall apart, what will you do?
//i will just simply laugh.....

30. Would you rather swim in the lake
or dive in the ocean?
// lake

31. What would be the best partner of a
good cup of coffee?
// errr.....bread?

32. What do you think of the most
when you are alone?
// online,and spamming Speedfinger

33. When it is a rainy night, what do
you do most of the time?
// sleeeeeeeepppppppp

34. what are you going to do after
// continue with my life...waiting for Zohor

Anata Ga Ita Mori

Anata Ga Ita Mori (The Forest In Which You Were) - Jyukai

fukai fukai mori no naka honoka kaoru itoshii

hibi no omokage sagashitemireba fui ni anata ga warau
In the deep thick forest, there is a faint fragrance that is very dear
When I try to find the faces of the passing days, you laugh suddenly

furetemitakute te wo nobashitemo hakanaku chuu wo matta no desu
When I reach out my hand to touch it, I feel like I’m dancing in the faraway space

anata ni aitakute zutto aitakute zutto omou
nemurenu yoru wo watari
anata ga nokoshita hikari to kage no naka ni tsutsumarete naiteiru
I’ve always wanted to see you and am thinking of you always
Crossing the sleepless nights
While I cry, I try to embrace what’s left of you in the midst of light and shadow

dame na atashi wo kogashi shizumu yuuhi to
hadashi no mama ai no zangai wo funde nijinda aka
Hopelessly, I walk barefoot in the scorching sunset
While stepping on the ruins of a love that fades crimson

furetemiyou to te wo kazashitara anata no koe ga shita no
When I hold out my hand to touch it, I hear your voice

“aishiteru.” imasara todokanu uta wa kaze ni saraware
haruka kieteitta yo
suna tokei sora takaku tobashitemitemo nani mo ano hi no ne wa hibikazu
Right now the words “I love you” won’t reach as the wind carries away my song
It disappears far far away
If I throw a clock of sand in the high skies, I hear the sounds of that day resounding

nido to wa sawarenai keshikitachi ga
sara sara nagaredashite
Scenery that I can’t touch again
Fades away slowly

“kesenai.” fuesugita kuuki kasanesugita kioku to sono te mo sono kami mo
anata ga nokoshita hikari to kage wa amari ni mo ookisugiru no deshita.
“Don’t disappear,” that hand and that hair, in the rapidly enlarging atmosphere and heavy memories
The light and shadow that you left is just too large

fukai fukai mori no naka de…
In the deep thick forest…

Still Hopeless?

2 hari yg lepas Hani msg aku, dia kata dia tak sihat,kena chickenpox. Aku rasa cam nak gelak pun ada,and aku ingat nak jer sound kat dia, naper tak cakap kat Abg Hady syg tu.....naper nak gak cakap kat aku?aku bukannyer bf dia lagi.Tapi tak tau la,agaknyer still sayang lagi, aku tak boleh, lembut benor hati ni rasanya bila dgn org yg nama Hani nih...

Pagi td aku msg dia lagi. Bukan apa, walaupun dah jd ex, tp aku still care kat dia lagi.Susah senang sama dah lama,takkan aku leh ignorekan dia. Tmbh2 dia jenis delicate, ala2 kotak yg isi penuh ngan gelas kaca, handle with care, lagi la aku takleh. Ktorang borak2 lg, dan yang pasti, aku konfius...sama ada pilihannya Hady or aku.

Dia byk ngadu ngan aku semenjak dia couple ngan Hady ni. Aku pun tak paham, kenapa aku? rasa sakit hati makin tambah ada la. macam2 dia cerita pasal Hady, geram la, benci la...but dah kalau camtu,naper tak tinggalkan ajer....aku betul2 tak paham hati minah sorang nih....aku ni kalau kira baik lagi leh terima dia,kalau org lain mau dihambat jauh,peduli apa lg sama hal dia nih...

Wat masa dia ni dia wat aku cam ada harapan lg tuk dptkan pada masa yg sama dia cuba hilangkan harapan tuh,smp aku pun tak tau yg mana satu? nak kejar,atau lupakan,kejar,lupa,kejar,lupa....arrgghhhhhh aper aku merapu nihh....aku pun dah mereng pikirkan benda ni....malas la lagi nak tulis kang lg mereng gua...chow dulu nanti aku tulis lagi...blah dulu....

Enjoy Cureless - L'arc~en~Ciel..betul2 kena ngan keadaaan diri aku skang

Cureless - L`arc~en~ciel

Itami o oboete yuku
GARASU koshi no omoi wa tada mitsumeru dake
afureru yasashisa o
mikansei na boku wa dakishime rarenakute
I keep remembering the pain
Just staring at your thoughts through the glass
The overflowing kindness
Can't be embraced by an incomplete me

Aishikata o shiranai
Boku wa anata sae mo nakushi soo
Muyuubyoo no yoo ni
Toki o kizamu hari o sagashite mo
Not knowing how to love, it seems I've lost you
Even if I search for the hand of the clock that ticked away at the seemingly sleepwalking time
I won't find it

Furete shimae ba
Togire soo na anata wa setsunakute
Otoshita shizuku hiroi atsumete mite mo
ai ni wa naranai
It would be too painful to stop being touched by a seemingly interrupted you
Even if I tried to collect all the fallen drops, it wouldn't become love

Kono yoru tsukamaete mo
Onaji yoo ni ano hito no namae yobenai
Arekara ari fureta
Yume ni nemuru yume o mitsuzuketeiru yo
Even if this night catches me
I can't yell that person's name the same way
Sleeping in this reccuring dream
I'll just keep dreaming

Aishikata o shiranai
Boku wa anata sae mo nakushi soo
Muyuubyoo no yoo ni
Toki o kizamu hari o hayamete mo
Not knowing how to love, it seems I've lost you
Even if the hand of the clock that ticked away at the seemingly sleepwalking time speeds up
I'll still wander about

Shiroi toiki ni furueteiru anata o iyasenai
Hareta kono te ga
Kizutsukete shimau kara itami wa kienai
I can't stop you from shaking in these white sighs
These withered hands
Can't erase your wounded grief

Furete shimae ba
Togire soo na anata wa setsunakute
Otoshita shizuku hiroi atsumete mite mo
ai ni wa naranai
It would be too painful to stop being touched by a seemingly interrupted you
Even if I tried to collect all the fallen drops, it wouldn't become love

Shiroi toiki ni furueteiru anata ga setsunakute
Sotto daki yoseta anata no mukoo gawa ni
ano hi no watashi ga yurete kieta
It's painful for you in these white sighs
Gently embracing you, on the other side
The me of those days fades away

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Welcome to Hell...and i'm the can call me,Toby.....

Hmmm........well, first time aku tulis blog nih....sajer jer aku nak meluahkan segala yg terbuku di jiwa raga hati bakul tong dan kolam ikan di luar umahku kat sini walaupun aper yg aku tulis kat sini merapu meraban........

Since this is my first blog...nak kena buat majlis bukak umah la nih.....mula2 of cos sesi kenalkan tuan umah kan....oleh itu,tanpe buang mase lawatlah page friendster hambe di hahaha...takde keje aku nak tulis 2,3 kali dlm nih....tgk la sendiri page tu,and up to you guys to know what kind of guy i am.......

okeh la....takde mende lg aku nak tulis....sebagai pembuka blog...terimalah pantun 4,5 kerat ambe nih.....

Sorong papan, tarik papan,
buah keranji dalam perahu,
hambe datang dengan harapan,
mencarik sahabat serta awek yg baru......huhuhu......


My Heart Draws A Dream

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